It is without fear that I can tell you that a fully actualized human is a myth and belongs to mythology, religion and other stories intended to get us to aspire to greatness.
We all have our little problems, insecurities, doubts, fears, and skeletons.
We walk around with advice like “fake-it-till-you-make-it” or “faith-is-a-firm-belief-in-things-that-we-hope” and then “to become-it-you-have-to-be-it”.
We look at motivational video’s, we listen to advise from guru’s, industry experts, social influencers, mentors, leaders, managers, and older people.
It is almost as if we cannot trust our own judgment, well not in every area of our lives at least. We get told that we don’t know what is best for us by a list of professionals, and they are probably right.
Under the sheer weight of all this, how can we expect of you not to turn into a quivering mass or vibrating Miniature Pinscher?
How can we as a society expect of you to wake up, dress up, show up, smile, kick ass, take names and walk away with the sale/business/goods, the girl (or guy – hey we live in modern times here) and have enough juice left to strut to the music into the setting sun…
Because you can…
Yeah man – you rock!!
Ok, maybe not every day; maybe only once a week, month, year or even lifetime, but I know, and you know that you have the stuff…
If we could get you to believe it, see it, trust it, think it, say it, live it…
You are brilliant! You are capable! You are a genius! This planet is dependent on your contribution!
Some would say, how hard can it be? If it was easy we would not have to have this little talk, now would we? Others will point at the nearest temple/church/school and just share their knowing smile…
If it was that easy then we would not need coaches, and motivational speakers and cute videos and quotes and slogans… I mean that whole multimillion dollar industry would not exist.
So why my friend – why do we struggle so?
Because we don’t always understand how things work.
The amount to which you to matter is proportional to how much you make or allow other people to matter.
This principle is true irrespective of who is evaluating your worth, or from which perspective your worth is being measured. The concept of your value is not based on what you get (or can get or have) but rather on what you give.
That means you can look at your life as a simple + or – sign. You either add value to the world, or you subtract. This is not a perception, even though it leaves some room for interpretation when it is a close call, but in general, we all know.
Another element that is important is to recognize that adding value is a deliberate choice. You and you alone decide to add or subtract value from this world. You are doing it right now. You do it every day.
Yes, all three – deciding, adding and subtracting… You just need to become conscious of it.
So if the wheels come off…
The most important element is the measure of self…
Remind yourself that your bank account, job title, attractiveness, and the number of followers you have nothing to do with how much value you add to this world. The things that truly matter when measuring how much you matter reside in your kindness, compassion, empathy, respect for others, and how well you treat those that cannot respond or return the kindness.
“ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.” – John F. Kennedy
The second important element is time…
“The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden. It doesn’t make you unloveable or undesirable or undeserving of care. It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. Everyone struggles. Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart. During these times, we aren’t always easy to be around – and that’s okay. No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time. Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult. And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad. But those things aren’t all of who you are and they certainly don’t discount your worth as a human being. The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved. You can be difficult and still be cared for. You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness.” — Daniell Koepke
“Sometimes you just have to turn the page to realize there’s more to your book of life than the page you’re stuck on. Stop being afraid to move on. Close this chapter of hurt, and never re-read it. It’s time to get what your life deserves, and move on from the things that don’t deserve you. Don’t try to fix what’s been broken in your past, let your future create something better.” — Trent Shelton
Tick-tock… it moves on, you are here, you are alive and you can change stuff – YOU ARE NOT A TREE!!!
The third important element is the FLIP…
When your inner voice starts to fire up criticisms, make him/her shut it for a moment. Is there any basis in fact, are you being kind (to yourself) or not, and do you really need to know this now? If any of these things are true, feel free to tell your inner voice to – ____ (yeah you know)!
“Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps they need to take to get them closer to the fulfillment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them.” – Jack Canfield
Extend yourself some kindness, tolerance, generosity, and compassion. Try to understand yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself, you will reach a point where you no longer depend on people, accomplishments, or other external factors to realize just how much you matter to the rest of us…
OK- Bonus time – Repeat after me:
- “Listen to the right people and ignore the wrong ones. People that doubt you, hate you and judge you are never worth your time or attention.” Anonymous
- “Never allow yourself to be defined by someone else’s opinion.” Anonymous
- “Your crown has been bought and paid for. Put it on your head and wear it.” Dr. Maya Angelou
- “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” Tich Nhat Hanh
- “Your most important sale is to sell yourself to yourself.” Maxwell Maltz
- “I know what I bring to the table, so trust me when I say I’m not afraid to eat alone.” Anonymous
- “Once you learn how to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.” Anonymous
- “To double your net worth, double your self-worth. Because you will never exceed the height of your self-image.” Robin Sharma
- “If I could give you one gift, I would give you the ability to see yourself as I see you, so you could see how truly special you are.” Anonymous